Just watched a video.

I'm sure you've seen the video on facebook about putting away your phone or ipad and live the real way.  I just watched it and I'm deeply touched.  For months I've been focused on having a blog or youtube channel and put lots of energy into it.  I wanted to be heard.  I wanted to be special.  I wanted lots of followers.  I have a hard time remembering life when I didn't at least sometimes think, oh I gotta put this on facebook or I gotta put this on instagram.  -- and I literally just thought about shutting down my instagram account and then I immediately thought of reasons not to.  Why is it hard for us to just live like we used to?  Everyone wants to be special, everyone wants to be famous and suddenly everyone thinks they are important.  And even now I'm writing a blog about how I don't want to blog any longer.  Let me just stop right here. 

Lazy or Content?

The other day I was working on our business bookwork.  After having paid what seemed like everybody and their brother during the month of April, I watched our bank account slowly drop, and drop and drop.  I remember thinking to myself....

"hmph, it looks as though we may not be able to pay ourselves in the month of May."

Did I also mention that our heat pump needs replacing and while it heats fine, it does not provide us cool air? 

Did I mention that to replace said heat pump that is almost 11 years old, will cost us about 6 grand? 

Yeah.

But, as I sat there, I realized that it doesn't bother me any where near as much as it would have if this happened a year ago.  I actually surprised myself.  I simply thought to myself, well, we've got savings to live on in May, and that will suck, because that money should go towards the heat pump, but I guess that's the way it will be.  I also thought, I wish we didn't have a house that requires a heat pump.

Have I become lazy?  Am I so lazy that the thoughts of my business not having a super strong month just floats along without a care in the world? 

I don't think so.

I really think that I've come to a place in my life that I'm just content.  People lived for years without this thing called "air conditioning"-- It will really be fine.  What we did do is buy a small window unit to use if needed out of our emergency fund. 

You're probably wondering why we don't just head on down to the bank and get a loan to replace that heat pump? 

We don't do debt.  We're done.  We'll be fine. 

It is nice to be in this new place of contentment.  Nothing seems so dire any longer and I attribute some of it to learning new skills so that if I did need to down grade a lifestyle (and I know how to do that!) I can go back to basics even farther. 

Keep Moving Forward.

Not even forward, just keep MOVING.

Until Next Time Friends.

Blessed.

I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. 

I just learned yesterday morning that my step-dad's lymph nodes are clear of any cancer.  I was so happy and relieved to hear it, that the enemy had been defeated that I cried and just hugged him.  I never got to hear those words when we lost my father in law, nor my mother in law. 

I tell ya, having a scare like that really brings you back to what is important.  In the depths of my fears when I did let myself imagine the worse, I realized how much I love him. 

Him being ok was the only option. 

I prayed. 

This time I received the answer I desperately needed.

I am so blessed.  I will never forget how blessed I am. 

No matter what you believe or don't believe, remember that life can throw you a hard ball at any moment so be appreciative of the ordinary things. 

Until Next Time Friends!

1950s, The Perfect Combination?

I did a YouTube on this question recently and thought that it was worth blogging about as well. 

I came across this thought while watching a video on wood stoves.  The maker of the video said that a lot of people have a romantic version in their heads about the life of using a wood stove.  "It's dirty and hard work!"  she said. 

I am guilty of this romantic version.

It got me thinking about how truly hard life was back in the days where most people had wood stoves to cook on and for heat.  With little medical advancement in those times and the hard lifestyle, people didn't live as long. 

On the other side of the coin, we now in this day and age have lots of medical advancement, but too much convenience in my opinion.  We can easily go through a fast food drive thru anytime and fill up on junk -- We have some choice over where our food comes from, but most of us just go down to the local food mart and pick up whatever is offered there.  We're so busy that we don't give it much thought. 

My thoughts are that the 40's 50's maybe early 60's may have been the sweet spot for medical advancement but also having healthier, more localized, unfooled around with foods. We were a bit more self sufficient getting exercise from these old fashioned habits.

Where will our current lifestyle take us? 

My son says that maybe we'll turn out like the people on Wall E  -- and I'm sad to say, he might be right. 

If You Don't Like What's Being Said....

Today I've been thinking about a quote from one of my favorite TV characters, Don Draper.

"If you don't like what's being said, Change the conversation."

I'm thinking about it because I have a hard time sustaining friendships and have very few people that I could call in the middle of the night if I was in trouble.  I admire other people in my family who have had close friends for years and they spend time together regularly.  Other than my husband, I really don't have anyone outside of my family that I could depend on. I do have a small group of friends that I get together with occasionally, but could I call them in the middle of the night?  Not even close.

Now, I could stay in this funk that I've been in all morning or I could take a cue from Don and change the conversation.  Right now it's saying, "Oh, poor Kim, she's got no friends, why doesn't anyone ask to get together with her?"  But I'm going to change the conversation by saying "Kim's not afraid of getting out there and asking people to do stuff with her." 

We hear all the time that we have to create the lives that we want to live.  We are responsible for our own happiness.  Making us happy is not someone else's job. 

I have to change my behavior.  I have to let go of my comfort zone of waiting for someone to come see me or ask me to do something.  I need to approach people and just ask for what I want.  I want someone to do hobbies with.  I want to have nice conversation that makes me both think and laugh.  I want friendships that I can relax in and feel safe in. 

I don't have to settle though.  I don't have to waste my time on people who aren't available to me.  I can have friends who are excited to spend time with me and have an amazing time. 

My first step will be an open invitation to going to the House and Garden Tour in our area.  I will do this over facebook.  I have fretted over who to invite.  I'm OK with going alone, (I'm going either way) it's just way more fun to have someone to go with.  This way, my first experience in going outside my comfort zone will hopefully be positive since they will be approaching me to volunteer to go. 

I am getting together with those girls whom I can't depend on too much this evening.  I'm changing my attitude to being happy and excited to go instead of dreading it.

I'll continue to post.  I know it's sad that I have to work on having friends, but hey, what can you do!?

Until Next Time!

I hate the word Cancer.

It's true.  I hate the word cancer.  It brings uncertainty and sadness. 

I lost my father in law back in 2007 to complications during his fight with lung cancer.  It still makes me so mad.  On the outside he was a perfectly healthy 70 year old man with a quick wit.  Inside a tiny speck was growing on his lung.  Long story short, my father in law, a beautiful and loving man, lost his life just a couple months after his diagnosis. 

It has happened again.  My stepfather who is old school cool has been diagnosed with Melanoma skin cancer.  He was diagnosed about a month ago and has yet to have surgery.  They keep pushing back his date for surgery even though they say he needs to have it removed so it doesn't spread ( or continue to spread)  He will turn 72 this year. 

I hate it.  It sucks and I can't imagine life without him.  I can't imagine my mom being without him.

I'm scared beyond belief and don't know what to do.  Not having any control is what makes me even more crazy. 

So, all I can do is pray and wait.

Pray.  Wait.

I can only do so much.

I keep going back and forth about whether or not I want a full out garden or if I just want to do a perennial garden. 

Last year I attempted bleakly at doing a garden.  I never really benefited from it though since I didn't harvest the tomatoes right away they usually ended up bug infested or rotten on the vine.  Each year I make a stand and say this is the year!  This is the year that I really garden and get lots of yummy foods from it! 

Not so.

At my best (when I was a stay at home mom) I got a descent amount of food, but no where near what I want.  The best was having so many cherry tomatoes that we would have "cherry tomato and cheese salad" like, three times a week.  So much that hubby said Oh no not that again! 

This will be my 10th year that I will try to grow something and I just have a feeling that it is not going to go well.  Hubby says that he's going to till up the ground and I can plant and everything will just be nifty! 

Here's what I see in my future:

He will (maybe) eventually till the yard.  We'll be short on funds to really buy everything we need and I will wing it with 0 money or very very little money. 

Time will take over and those plants that I meant to grow will be over taken by weeds.  I'll get frustrated.  I'll get mad at myself for not doing better. 

I'll try again.  Bugs will start taking over.  Plants will die.  Plants will become stressed. 

Did I mention that I'll need to get up at least a half hour earlier to water all these plants?

Part of me is excited for the challenge.  Part of me wants to throw my hands in the air and say I'm OUT! and just be a consumer.  Part of me thinks that it would be cool to just do a perennial vegetable garden.  Part of me says that won't be enough for my pride.  Part of me is dreading canning all the food if I can get it to grow.  Part of me can't wait to see all those filled jars waiting for winter. 

Gaaahhhhh!  I just don't know.  But I do know, I can only do so much. 

I guess time will tell.  I'll keep you posted.....