Torn Between Two Worlds.....

Hello Everybody,
You're finding me at work today.  We are in a slow time of the day and I use this time to catch up or slow down, whatever I'm needing that day.  I am lucky to have our store in a place that has completely untouched land out back, so if I need to reconnect to my inner soul, I can just stroll out there and take a look around.  I can take a break from the fluorescent lights and cash registers.  I can go out there and just breathe.  Looking around, hearing the birds sing and watch them play reminds me who and what I'm connected too. 
I know that I wrote not too long ago that I'm relaxing into my new season in my life.... and..... I have to admit, I'm struggling right now.  I'm trying  to strike a balance, so that I'm living the life I want.  I was moving along quite well until I went out back one evening to grab some lettuce from our little garden. I enjoyed that little moment so much!  There I was, squatting in front of the raised bed, choosing and clipping.  Walking all of maybe 50 feet to get food for our dinner.  It really stuck with me. 
Ever since then I've been brainstorming how I can add just a bit of my "former" life into my new one.  Well, add it in without making myself crazy.  I love canning and preparing a meal.  Especially a meal that primarily came from my back yard.  This week you would find me pouring over my blogs about sustainable living..... Urban homestead.... Homestead Acres....Small Measures.....Cage Free Family..... these folks are just so inspiring.  They give me that feeling like Liz Lemon in 30 Rock.... " I want to go to there"...... tending my garden, baking my bread, putting up food for winter, feeding my family really good whole foods.
I feel like a kid that's watching all the other kids play outside, while I'm stuck inside looking out the window with my nose pressed on the glass. 

I recently read an article from Married with Luggage about how you can live your dream life.  I particularly enjoyed the article about how you have to make time to do steps to get your dream.  I am currently keeping track of what I do with my time for one week as suggested in the article.  I'm hoping I find that I waste too much time on TV or something and can develop a plan to fill this need within me. 
Wish me luck friends! 

Happy Memorial Day!

Every time I watch one of those videos where the soldier gets to come home to family, a child or a pet, I always tear up.  I am just amazed at the sacrifice these brave people are willing give to serve our country.  Thank you so much veterans and people still in service for all that you have done and have given up.  You are forever in our hearts.

Take a moment today in between bites of hot dogs and burgers to remember the reason we celebrate.

Have a great day everybody.

Until next time friends....

Nearly Broken....

Hello All,
 I hope your days have been full of happiness and fun!  Today you find me at work.  I'm here alone today.  Hubby needed a day off.... I insisted that he take the day.  We didn't realize it, but this past week we figured up the hours we keep here at the shop and he works an avg of 60 hrs a week, I work an avg of 55 a week ( I take half a day once a week just for laundry and cleaning at home) .... that would explain why we have been so worn out lately.  We had always heard that the biggest problem with self employed people and ultimate failure in the business, is that people become so focused on the business, working every waking hour that they become burnt out.  Thus, making them less effective.  It definitely has happened to me... you would find me crying outside the store this past week wondering why we aren't as busy as we should be and how are we going to make it financially through the summer.  I felt nearly broken.  It didn't help that my monthly visitor helped exaggerate my emotions and made me feel even more helpless. 

We were doing great and we did pretty well last week, but it seems that after a huge festival we attended that we now have LESS customers... which makes both hubby and I scratch our heads.  We've got to stick it out.... We've got to get through what ever funk we have found ourselves in... We are doing everything we can to advertise and get the word out.... I guess it just takes time. 

Home wise, we are doing ok.  We cleaned up the garden area a couple days ago and I was excited to see that there are carrots and 1 little basil plant, along with the lettuce and spinach that has managed to stay alive.  I'm toying with the idea of putting some peas and dill out.  I know I don't have a lot of time, but I believe these plants may work since they are easy to grow.

We're still working on breaking up with our old bank and getting everything settled with the new bank.  For some reason, Target wouldn't take my check and then my bank card wouldn't work today.  I checked my bank after the Target incident and they said "they've had problems with Target before and it's on their end".... gee... thanks... now my bank card didn't work... another visit to the bank on Monday. 

On the kitty front... I have new tenants in my bushes out front.  The little pregnant calico I had been  feeding moved them there, so I have 5 playful pretty feral little kids in my front garden.  We decided to just let them be... they are too feral to take to the shelter, they would be euthanized right away for being "unadoptable".  There is lots more drama to this story.... I will fill you in next time...

Keep your fingers crossed for us that we get through this funk and find the other side!

Until next time friends....

Giving up and accepting the season....

Hi All, 

Today you're finding me frantically trying to get my house clean.  The schedule I had made for myself is going ok, but honestly, the last thing I want to do is housework when I get home.  Luckily, hubby doesn't get too upset when I need to stay home for awhile to get things back in order. 

I had a bit of a breakdown a couple weeks ago.  I was shopping for groceries and desperately trying to stay within our budget yet feed my family healthy foods.  I don't know what came over me, I've gone over budget before, but this time, I had a really hard time.  There I was bagging my groceries with tears streaming down my cheeks.  I cried the whole way home and thankfully I was ok by the time I got home.  The next morning, I went out to the garden to see what was going on.  I hadn't been out in a couple days since we were so busy and it had been rainy. What I found was so sad. I had lost the couple of bean plants that were showing promise.  My onions are pretty much ka-put.  The only things that are growing is the lettuce and weeds.  I looked around my little garden and felt like such a failure. 
Tears came again.  But, I had to choke them back.  I needed to go to work and tend to our business.

After talking to hubby about my frustration, (through tears, God love him, he always knows exactly what to say)... he helped me realize that I just need to let the garden go this year, or I just need to re-do my "vision" of the garden.  I don't see myself having a lot of time on my hands for years to come, so I think for this year I'll just enjoy that lettuce, garlic and a couple little dismal onions.  I need to redesign my garden to be a perennial garden.  I just don't have the time in this season of my life to do all the things I used to . 

Am I disappointed?  A little.  But do I feel like a failure now?  No.  There is a season for everything.  I can either accept my season that I'm in, or I can drive myself insane trying to do everything.

Where ever you are in your life, accept and enjoy it.  If you don't like what's going on, take steps to change it.  Take it easy on yourself. 

Do you feel like you need to keep up even though your season clearly says you just can't? 

Until next time friends.....