If You Don't Like What's Being Said....

Today I've been thinking about a quote from one of my favorite TV characters, Don Draper.

"If you don't like what's being said, Change the conversation."

I'm thinking about it because I have a hard time sustaining friendships and have very few people that I could call in the middle of the night if I was in trouble.  I admire other people in my family who have had close friends for years and they spend time together regularly.  Other than my husband, I really don't have anyone outside of my family that I could depend on. I do have a small group of friends that I get together with occasionally, but could I call them in the middle of the night?  Not even close.

Now, I could stay in this funk that I've been in all morning or I could take a cue from Don and change the conversation.  Right now it's saying, "Oh, poor Kim, she's got no friends, why doesn't anyone ask to get together with her?"  But I'm going to change the conversation by saying "Kim's not afraid of getting out there and asking people to do stuff with her." 

We hear all the time that we have to create the lives that we want to live.  We are responsible for our own happiness.  Making us happy is not someone else's job. 

I have to change my behavior.  I have to let go of my comfort zone of waiting for someone to come see me or ask me to do something.  I need to approach people and just ask for what I want.  I want someone to do hobbies with.  I want to have nice conversation that makes me both think and laugh.  I want friendships that I can relax in and feel safe in. 

I don't have to settle though.  I don't have to waste my time on people who aren't available to me.  I can have friends who are excited to spend time with me and have an amazing time. 

My first step will be an open invitation to going to the House and Garden Tour in our area.  I will do this over facebook.  I have fretted over who to invite.  I'm OK with going alone, (I'm going either way) it's just way more fun to have someone to go with.  This way, my first experience in going outside my comfort zone will hopefully be positive since they will be approaching me to volunteer to go. 

I am getting together with those girls whom I can't depend on too much this evening.  I'm changing my attitude to being happy and excited to go instead of dreading it.

I'll continue to post.  I know it's sad that I have to work on having friends, but hey, what can you do!?

Until Next Time!

I hate the word Cancer.

It's true.  I hate the word cancer.  It brings uncertainty and sadness. 

I lost my father in law back in 2007 to complications during his fight with lung cancer.  It still makes me so mad.  On the outside he was a perfectly healthy 70 year old man with a quick wit.  Inside a tiny speck was growing on his lung.  Long story short, my father in law, a beautiful and loving man, lost his life just a couple months after his diagnosis. 

It has happened again.  My stepfather who is old school cool has been diagnosed with Melanoma skin cancer.  He was diagnosed about a month ago and has yet to have surgery.  They keep pushing back his date for surgery even though they say he needs to have it removed so it doesn't spread ( or continue to spread)  He will turn 72 this year. 

I hate it.  It sucks and I can't imagine life without him.  I can't imagine my mom being without him.

I'm scared beyond belief and don't know what to do.  Not having any control is what makes me even more crazy. 

So, all I can do is pray and wait.

Pray.  Wait.

I can only do so much.

I keep going back and forth about whether or not I want a full out garden or if I just want to do a perennial garden. 

Last year I attempted bleakly at doing a garden.  I never really benefited from it though since I didn't harvest the tomatoes right away they usually ended up bug infested or rotten on the vine.  Each year I make a stand and say this is the year!  This is the year that I really garden and get lots of yummy foods from it! 

Not so.

At my best (when I was a stay at home mom) I got a descent amount of food, but no where near what I want.  The best was having so many cherry tomatoes that we would have "cherry tomato and cheese salad" like, three times a week.  So much that hubby said Oh no not that again! 

This will be my 10th year that I will try to grow something and I just have a feeling that it is not going to go well.  Hubby says that he's going to till up the ground and I can plant and everything will just be nifty! 

Here's what I see in my future:

He will (maybe) eventually till the yard.  We'll be short on funds to really buy everything we need and I will wing it with 0 money or very very little money. 

Time will take over and those plants that I meant to grow will be over taken by weeds.  I'll get frustrated.  I'll get mad at myself for not doing better. 

I'll try again.  Bugs will start taking over.  Plants will die.  Plants will become stressed. 

Did I mention that I'll need to get up at least a half hour earlier to water all these plants?

Part of me is excited for the challenge.  Part of me wants to throw my hands in the air and say I'm OUT! and just be a consumer.  Part of me thinks that it would be cool to just do a perennial vegetable garden.  Part of me says that won't be enough for my pride.  Part of me is dreading canning all the food if I can get it to grow.  Part of me can't wait to see all those filled jars waiting for winter. 

Gaaahhhhh!  I just don't know.  But I do know, I can only do so much. 

I guess time will tell.  I'll keep you posted.....

Living within your means is OK.

Over the last few weeks, I've become a little less stressed over an obstacle that I've been dealing with for a long time. 

Contentment.

It was one of my goals for 2014 to continue working on, but I didn't really think I would truly arrive at the door of contentment.  I'm not perfect and I think I will always, at least sometimes, feel the little voice that says... maaaann. I want that.  I want that now.  Why not me?  But what I am saying is that I am definitely closer than I have ever been before to being content.

Every single day we are bombarded with images, commercials and shoot, even pictures of our friends on Facebook showing their latest vacation pictures or new cars, new furniture, new something. It has become almost normal to continually get new things.  Go on big vacations - quite often-- and for the love of everything holy, you HAVE to take your child to Disney World!  Also, you can't wait until they're older, you must do it before the "magic" wears off for them. 

Huh?  Anyone else scratching their heads on this new set of peer pressure?

So, at my weak points, I feel "behind" because I don't take "big" vacations often.  I don't buy new things often and we have not taken our son who is now 12, to Disney.  Tsk. Tsk. 

People are even taking pictures of their food when they go out to a restaurant.  ( I am so guilty of this!) 

With all the pressure of our society, I have come to a place where I am OK with only spending the money that I have!  I'm OK with not having money to do all the extras.  Could I go and get a credit card and take a fabulous trip?  Yep.  I would totally post them all over my facebook page so that everyone knows that I'm in the IN crowd. Totally not going to do that though.  I have X amount of dollars to work with each month and I'm OK with only using that.  I'm not borrowing a dollar from someone just to feel like I've lived a full life.

But you only live once Kim.... don't you want to make memories? 

Memories?  I make them every day.  When I kiss my son goodbye before he goes to school.  When I sit and eat breakfast with my hubby in the morning before work.  When we watch an awesome TV show together in the evening.  Talking to my son about his day while we're in the car.  I don't need to take a vacation or sit on fancy furniture to make memories. 

My days are no more special or less special than everyone elses. 

I'm here telling you.  It's OK to live within your means no matter what anyone says. 

-and to those who feel the need to check in every where- blast vacation pics a thousand times or show off your new big pile of debt of a car.... don't.  It's sad and tacky.  The only person you're impressing is the reflection in the mirror.